so, my doctor put me on zoloft and before it wasnt so bad but now its acting kinda weird, they say to tell them if i have any bad thoughts like suicide or something and i dont have that but my bad thought are towards other people i guess thats kinda worse and i dont know what to do my mom doesnt seem to care just hands me more medicine for pms which its totally not and holy says they shouldnt have put me on it in thee first place and the bad thing is its my family doctor that put me on it and only sees me once every couple of months and wrote the scipt and made an apponitment for three month later which to me doesnt seem like the smartest thing in the world so if for some reason i did kill myself my mother would make alot of money off me so i guess thats a good thing. anywaysto get off that depressing topic my favorite teacher for some reason now hates me my other teacher which is basicly me collage counceler says to wait till next year cause she doesnt want to waste her time on me cause i've had some problems with staying in school which is stupid cause she should be suporrting me staying in school concidering its because of kids like me that she gets a pay check so teachers are mean or stupid oh yes my stupid teacher who isnt qualifed to teach high school and is haveing us do basicly jr. high work is crazy and has orange hair so weird oh i can rant for hours i hate how everyones to worryed about themselfs to even look at other people my mother has a toumer on her shoulder they say its not canceres and that they are going to wait till it is to get rid of it so that sucks everyone treats me like im 5 it makes me feel even more like i have a problem which seriously that scares the shit out of me that eeryone knows but doesnt say anything because they cant except it or dont want to hurt my feelings cause they think i know and just cant do anything about it. like the thing with my eyes not many people said anything about it like hollys friend after i had surgery like the next week we went to warped tour and like basicly on the way home holly said i had surgery and he said yeah he knowticed and that really kinda hurt because nobody says anything i mean i guess its good cause they dont want to be rude but it hurts me because im out embarising myself and nobody says a word goddddddd!!!!!!!!!!! so my friend andrew is haveing a party this weekend and im acctually thiking about not going because i like him and he acts and shows that he likes me yet still says once he breaks up with the girlfriend i didnt know he had he wants to be single for a while and i dont know what to think about that and god being 15 sucks bad. people say the would give anything to be young again but i think they are completly mental oh yeah abby calle d me mental and whats up with that? i think im gonna quit my job which i cant do cause i have to pay for school but fast foods just not the thing for me i feel so bad about myself in this i have said one line about somebody other then me and thats bad and that makes me feel worse like im just this thing who cares nothing about other people and other things and i hate so bad how other people do that i honestly hoped this girl from my school whos in florda right now died and thats awful but she was really mean to me and i dont know why people do that and holly says that she told everyone not to talk about anything around me i guess meaning drugs and i totally dont know why cause im not as big of a freak that she and my mother seem to think i am. and it all makes me want to cry.
depressed
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